Rendered inutile -
The supererogatory resolution to contemplate redemption,
I know that wouldn’t make you proud of me
Grievances processed deflations
Negativity shrouded
I wear black six days in a week’s time
Still working my way back to sunshine;
Still trying to make time for quiet time
Still, I hide every secret you said to keep.
Just to feel the cold tile press against my feet again
I’d surrender this war I was born into
Growing old just to die young,
I doubt if I’d give love a try again
Depressed myself into quandaries
Every time I fought back; losing every battle still
Divided but can’t find the quotient,
Try to hide but the darkness is open
Learning languages but forgetting my voice,
The first impressions are so unimpressive
The rich keep pulling on bootstraps,
I don’t know what a friend is either
All of the fingers keep pointing to me
I look in the black mirror and see nothing.
Just to sit through the fire and not get burned I would trade away what I can’t promise.
If I turn into ashes I’m sorry to you,
If we lose to this life you can blame me.
I don’t take things personally anymore and
Probably couldn’t feel it even if I tried to.
Some of us only hear when we’re lied to,
Some of us disappear when we try to.
That’s exactly how the cookie fumbles it’s crumbs,
Don’t eat them from the floor it’s poisoned food.
Trust a man when he tells you to,
Trust a man when he looks like me.
My brother told me that fear was the quickest
Way for a man to be defeated.
My other showed me that words are empty
And more often than not nobody means them.
My lover phoned me
I answered, we broke up - she confessed to cheating.
Would you believe that my heart’s still pumping,
Kept together with all of these adhesives?
Would you believe me if I told you the truth
But didn’t have to swear by it?
Would you believe me if I said I was coming to see you Tomorrow in the early evening?
Would you believe me if I recited these words
All at once into the air without peeking
I can’t imagine what I would put up for bargain just to hear you say to me that you believe me.